Diary entry 33

Entry III/2001

Dear Friends,

Tonight, like every night, I am alone in my hotel room. For some strange reason, the routine feels overbearing right now, and homesickness squeezes my heart sore all around my chest. Although the sound of the air conditioner's fan saves me from having to listen to utter silence, the wind is slightly too cold on my naked body. I turn it off, and then notice a slight ringing in my right ear. It is the ear that held the headphone monitor as I sang at tonight's "Ming Ge Yi Shu Jie" concert in Nanning. As usual, the crowd was a crazy sea of young noises, the music was pumped full of life, my voice was strong and passionate... I love my job.
But the nights are so lonely. The memories of tonight's CCTV live concert seem to only accentuate the stillness of my bedroom now. When my writing inspiration comes to an end, then I'll turn off this bedside lamp and sleep. I have come to believe that men mature in isolation. Isolation, being along with one's thoughts can be a form of meditation and enlightenment. Perhaps one matures when he realizes that he is ultimately alone in this world, and that he must take responsibility for his own life, because no one else will.
Physically being alone speeds up this realization. Like Tom Hanks in "Castaway". I believe in building from the ground up, whether it be corporate models, orchestra scores, or interpersonal relationships. For example, one needs to learn to love himself before being able to love others. One needs to be able to live in harmony with himself before being able to live together with another person. I guess if I look at it that way, I sure am leading the life these days, becoming a secure individual.
Thinking, meditating, feeling, composing,...searching for that rhythm in my soul that will make the whole world tap their feet. Yes, I miss my friends, and loved ones, but tonight, I wouldn't trade this loneliness for anything. Thanks for listening to my thoughts tonight, friends.

Goodnight.
peace on earth, Leehom